thinking out loud

what you are right now, is your lifetime’s work! was this what you wanted?

2009-07-18T01:18:00.000-07:00

one would always think of oneself as good, but the truth is what others think of you. i am sure even a convict would have his reason for the crime but that doesn’t make him nice to you right ? it’s our impression about the person that matters to us. and so would be the impression about us what others carry in their mind!
whatever we are today is the culmination of all our acts, learning, dealings, conversations, friendships, enemity, research, observations, acquired skills, acquired habits, belief, hope – you name it – it played a part in making you what you are. the bigger question would be - is this what i wanted me to be? i am sure there is no saints among us (atleast in my friends circle) – but that doesn’t mean any of them is a lesser human being.
i shout at a person who cuts me off the road and probably if not in a good mood, i will try that on him back – is that what i am? a nuisance to fellow drivers?
i might frown and curse a person at the hotel for not bringing the right order or even an order in time – is that what i am ? a person who thinks that he is superhuman? or even the master to everyone around?
i might have a few drinks than usual on certain days and sleep off on the couch. – am i a drunkard who doesn’t care ?
i might not find time to serve my religious duties – religiously time to time – am i an atheist?
i might have as a part of my job, sold a product which was not so great or the customer – am I a cheat?
situations like these doesn’t really mean that you are branded to be a nuisance, drunkard, atheist, cheat etc etc. but think of real life scenarios where you form an opinion among the crowd that you interact with on a daily or periodical basis – your colleagues at office, your helping hand at home, the security guard at your home or workplace, the bearer at your favorite restaurant.
am i an un-approachable ass at work or do everyone run to me at times of trouble or doubts?
does the security guard bite his teeth while smiling back at you?
does your maid talk behind your back (or may be even show you a finger )?
does the bearer at that restaurant reserve the best seat for you the moment you pass the door?
you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to say that a good signal from anyone around you is a reflection of what you are and vice versa. if you get a wrong signal from any levels in the society, probably it’s time to check whether you are on the right path. after all, it’s our lifetimes achievement – what we are now, so it better be nice!

money & you

2008-11-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

haven't you felt that money is a necessity as well as an evil? life's happiness can be linked partly to the money that you have and the earning ability..? think of the flipside,,, haven't you been more satisfied with life when you have just about enough money to keep you going for the month.. you slog your butt out for the month... you budget your spend.. and then.. you are happy that you have limited your expenses to whatever you needed and not wanted...
when you have enough money that you can freely buy anything that you feel like... you tend to lose the feeling after you purchase something...
lets take that case of that plasma tv that you always wanted... if you have more than enough money, how can you differentiate that purchase from buying milk for your home..? you don't feel the pinch even after you have spend close to a lac of rupees...
but what if you went to the shop and found out that it's 90,000 and you have some 20,000 to spare,,, you decide that the next month onwards you are going to cut down on that extra expense of outside dinner by half... save some money.. make atleast 50% of the cost within 4 months.. and then you reach that month where you have spared 45,000 go to that shop again, find out that it's cheaper by 10,000 ... and you buy it in an EMI,,, the feeling is like wow!!!
there are certainly some things that money cannot buy... it's the feelings like happiness and self satisfaction... these can be what differentiates the life of the middle class from that of the rich and famous..
i'm sure, the richest man in this world, would not be as happy as a working class who saves and finds joy in spending for his family ones in a while... lavishly.
i am sure there are exceptions...take the case of one of the richest guy we know.. warren buffet.. he still doesnt have a high security house, he lives in the same old middle class suburb, drives the same old ford that he owned, spends the evening watching tv and eating home made popcorns (which he makes himself).. but again, is'nt he trying to act like a middle class person? so, me belonging to a working middle class, should come to the realisation that the fun and happiness is here.. the moment you start acting like a rich and famous, you lose the connect between life and happiness...
i would hence say that living like a king is not exactly 'like a king' ..

death and beyond

2008-09-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

"death is the termination of the biological functions that define living organisms"

but when the same is of someone whom you knew very well... its not just the termination of biological functions.. its a lot more and beyond comprehension of human kind.. why would someone who is 26 and healthy die suddenly .. and not due to accident? and why would someone be 95 and not cared for by even his children live to be tortured in this world? is there something that is amiss? there are a lot of philosophical reasoning to death 'the termination of life in the body and start of life in spirit', 're-incarnation till we find the lotus feet', 'not born not died.. visited the earth during -/-/-- and -/-/--' so on and so forth!!

for me newspapers are an important part of my daily routine.. and mind you almost 10-15% of the news is about death.. the only thing science has failed to explain or predict. i am sure within the next 25 years there will atleast be attempts to reaching close to predicting the date and postponing the same..

life - before & after u

2008-06-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

i wouldnt say i didn't live before you.. but life was better after you..
earlier:
waking up will be just a task.. study was even worse.. chasing girls were like the dogs chasing chicken or probably another dog.. its just the fun of seeing them run or rather the thrill of running and being so close to getting hold.. but once you catch a chicken.. the other side of the brain says.. you have accomplished your task, now set it free. it was never about anything other than the fun of chasing and the thrill of accomplishment..
life was an endless connect of mundane and boring tasks.. and the tasks seems to be repeating itself and thereby not appealing. the weekdays was a plan for the weekend.. the weekends were repetition of the previous weeks.. the fun was almost the same and discussions were about the same topics.. boring it was.. except that the subject changed, scenarios differed, endings were different. if not - it was a copy&paste weekend.
work was even worse... begin the week with a meeting monday.. pack the bags on monday evening.. travel the whole state for the week.. come back on sunday morning.. repeat it for the next four weeks.. end it with a three day meeting.. repeat the whole month twelve times.. and then repeat the whole thing three times.. that was three years of work in the first company... except..
during the third year of the first job... u came home....on my word

when you think of this logically.. i had lied a lot during my school years.. i was caught a lot of times.. but more times i escaped.. the punishments were severe when you were caught.. but even worse when you were not caught..
when not caught, we live with that for the rest of the life.. unless we decide to make it right by overcoming that scaredom of admitting the fault...
even though the thought of having said a yes when you were not quite sure is quite scary... i now think that yes should not have been the answer to the priest during the ceremony before you came home.... it should have been " definitely.. YES"...
cos as days went by, i realised the life was life after u... the work was for a reason.. every decision was made on the presumption of your support and wellness - and hence meaning ful..

wonder years

2008-06-22T00:42:00.001-07:00

i wouldnt call it 'wonder' years.. but some how wonder is a word which fascinates everyone.. it's but mystical, outlandish, dreamlike, carefree,,,, it's wonderful...
i am sure without even mentioning the period or stage of life that i am referring to - that widescreen plasma of our mind would have projected a clear flicker free image of our childhood... Now before you decide its not... bring back that picture.. list out the things that you see there...
- the place - the place that comes to mind is when i was in my fifth standard.. place on the northern side of the state. the place we called our home for 7 long years... the place where i played cricket with guys from college (yeah i was in the 5th standard).. there was no consideration of age when the ball leaves your hand... it was the fastest ball each time... i still have those bumbs on my leg...
- then i have this picture where we kids used to make a treetop house.. i even improvised on a hammock.. i made it out of a discarded sack... it was real fun.. weekends we explore the neighbouring cashew plantation (the owner seldom comes...) we had secret hideouts and we used to have out favourite trees.. the yellow cashew fruits were sweeter than the red ones...
- then there was this stream .. where we used to fish each weekend relegiously during the monsoon... and finally get drenched and come home to a warm welcome of NO's!!!!
it was real fun...
Now i look at the next generation...
- the mobile phone or video games are the most common entertainment ... there are 100's of houses inches from each other .. but hardly any true friends...
- i would hear shouts of despair if a kid wanders out of the front door... and to the nearby vacant land - to explore or just play there... i fear how they will face an obstacle in their future? they will expect a very protected environment - be it work or life...
- the kids as well as parents are very concerned about the 'circle of friends'... it can never be from the strata below... let me tell you.. the best of friends that i had were not sons of the richest businessmen in town... they were from the families that had to struggle each day for their living.. they dont have pretence.. they dont have a false face.. what they say they mean..
if the next generation writes about their childhood.. it will definitely be a different story altogether

first day at school..

2008-06-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

It was Arshaa's first day in School on Saturday.. had some meeting in a hall - she was fine till the last moment, and then when we put her into the school van, she started to cry like helll..... and then we took her.. walked her to the class. She didnt have class on that day and so she was fine..

Today morning the van came to the flat.. she was not so excited in the morning and kept telling "i dont want school..".. I waited till she was inside the van.. and thought everything was just gonna be fine,,, and then she started to cry,,, we decided that i will drop her every morning for atleast a week. I took her to the car,, i could feel that she was not excited to see that car (first time..!!!!) then distracted her attention.. put her favourite cd... and then we reached the school... she was not at all happy to get inside the campus.... she then entered the class room she wanted me to sit next to her.. i told her i shall wait outside,,, was there next to the door and then she realised that i might go-off, started to cry.. and the teacher held her by the hand and closed the door....
end of chapter one...

then i called the school van driver who happended to be there after i left.. he told me that her dress was wet and she might have puked... she does that each time she cries like this...

it is so sad to see her crying like this.. hope she gets used to this place fast...
now thats how i saw the whole thing....

What would have been going through her mind?????

Today morning i didnt want to getup from sleep... wished the sun never came out.. i dont like that big place with lots and lots of children..i am Scared..
I saw this girl who was crying... she would have been left alone here by her mom... i hope my mama doesnt do the same to me.. no she wont.. she has never left me anywhere when i was crying.. yeah crying.. i should cry and let her know that i dont like this place at all!!! last time i told her that i dont want this school she told me .. look at that bag... its so nice... look at your new pencil box and crayons.. (i knw she doesnt want to listen to me about the school part) ... oh my god.. what will i do?
i liked to be home .. papa and mama goes to office and i am alone... but papa will come for lunch and give me mamam... i like it here.. coz i can watch cartoon, draw.. paint, cycle... sleep when i want to ... the school is bad...
there was this boy who looked like he was going to push me.. i dont like boys.. and i dont know any girl.. diya my neighbour is not in my class. i liked polkadots playschool.. and not this school! Why dont mama and papa leave me at polka dots?

then i woke up... mama is smiling.. i dont want to open my eyes.. she takes me to the loo.. then washes my face and makes me brush my teeth... i dont want to think of school... i drank the milk even if i didnt feel like (strange earlier i used to cry to get my milk)... then she gave me a bath.. oh my god.. that uniform.. she want me to wear it... i dont like that... but i like the bag... then she made me ready.. i put my shoe.. we all go down... and the VAN HAS COME!!!!
the driver held me.. i dont know this uncle... mama has left her hands off me.. i dont wanna go with this uncle.. please tell me not to... ( SOB SOB... Cryyyyyyy)
okay here comes papa.. i just jumped on to papa's shoulder and held tight.. i will not let my hand loose... okay so mama papa agreed that i dont have to go by van...

then papa got ready earlier than usual took my bag... i know where we are going.. oh there is the school.. i hope papa says you dont have to go to school today...
no.. he takes my bag ,, holds me because the ground is dirty after the rain,... and then once we reached inside the school campus.. he tries to distract me my saying things that didnt make any sense.. and then we saw the class.. he asks me which one is mine... i point to the Division F... i want to run,, we get into the clas... every one sits round in a cottage class room..
then papa shows me the animal chart and tells me to make the noise ishaan made in Tare Zameen Par.. even though i didnt have the mind.. i made it to see him smile.. then paa walked toward the door.. i know he is going to go.. i wish he could stay with me... i cant hold my tears any more.... (Cry.....sob sob)...

i love you papa...mama

yours arshaa bebe

if your happiness depends on somebody or something - i guess you have a problem

2008-06-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

happiness is a very relative term .. me being happy is very easy.. my daughter being happy.. is easier... my peers being happy is difficult.. my boss being happy.. almost impossible..
this takes us to the question .. what is happiness? martin seligman, one of the founders of positive psychology describes happiness as consisting of postive emotions and positive activities. positive emotions relating to the past include satisfaction, contentment, pride and serenity. those relating to the future include optimism, hope and trust. positive emotions about the present are categorised as plesures and gratifications. bodily and higher pleasures are "pleasures of the moment" and involve external stimulus.
> also about 50% of one's happiness depends on one's genes
> 10-15% on various measurable factors like socio-economic status, marital status, health, income and others
> the rest are unexplained variance
that is greek ...
now let me try to translate..
the things we do to find happiness are stupendous and at times really stupid.. this reminds me of a clip from an old movie where a rich man is intrigued by seeing a beggar sleeping peacefully by the side of the road.. he runs there and lies down next to him thinking that it's about the place.. no.. he couldnt find sleep.. then he keeps thinking.. i have a wonderful springbed and the best of air conditioners.. i have all that you would dream in a bedroom.. but i don't get peacefull sleep... the movie doesnt throw light on the issue of happiness and the scene was meant to be a comedy ... but i am sure there are many among us who would be facing a similar conflict.. have everything but dont have peaceful sleep..
now if you are one among them and if you had one particular day when you were really happy beyond words.. i am sure you would have slept like a baby that day.. so, find happiness find sleep.
it is also a research finding that religious involvement (not fanatics) makes people less stressed and happier. among the basic things taught at any relegion is appreciation and acceptance.. start appreciating the things that you already have instead of crying for things that you would like to have, start accepting the people around you and stop detesting them,, these combined with the knowledge that happiness is a state of mind and we are responsible for it.. will definitely help..
bye the way nicotine, alchohol , chocolates etc try and stimulate the scenario of happiness for a few minutes..these do help at times when it's a momentory issue.. but when we start to overdepend on any of these or on things which gives us happiness (again cos it's relative - what brings happiness to you need not alway bring happiness to me).. and reach a point where these becomes the only way we find happiness.. we do have a problem!!!!

i don't want to do business with those who dont make profit, because they can't give the best service

2008-06-04T22:44:00.000-07:00

how true the statement is? again from richard bach.. if we look at businesses that has sustained, improved and prospered over years.. there are a lot of things in common. Strong management, precision financing, prompt human resource and above all "best in class service". in the present, the differences between two similar business has vanished.. the access to technology, infrastructure, capital, brains is the same for all the companies of the industry. if you think back ten-fifteen years - a company from a metro had a huge advantage in all of the above factors over the ones in small cities or towns. now the lines have become thin and even a company in timbaktu can compete with the ones from the business capitals of the world.
all these have made the customers literally kings when it comes to demands. you might remeber the days when we used to hop shops to find the best deal in an electronic device. but now - how do we do that? compareindia.com!! compare the price of the device online.. check with the company authorised shop to see for any seasonal promotion.. if not.. check out the store that offers the lowest rate - bingo.. you saved youself the trouble of finding 4 different parking spaces, four different parking charges, a lot of fuel, time and the shopping experience becomes a pleasant one as you are aware beforehand that it's the best rate...

so what exactly will make a difference in a world where every single product is available in every mall and all of these are similarly priced - its of course the intangible that you receive from the shop.. it's the service. So if we know that a place sells the cheapest and best of cakes but have a saleman who seems to have selective listening capability or selective vision disability - we would rather not go there and come out with that frustration and take it on the next car or bike that crosses our way...
i would rather go to that corner cake shop where the sales man greets me with a smile.. and takes my order, suggests a better option (and infact make me pay more) and pack it for me and even open the door for me with a smile and "see you next time" bye.. will i go there again? definitely.. i would suggest to everyone that i know that mr. x is the best baker in town..
this is a boring example.. but take the example replace the same with our homes... replace the cake with a visit.. and let the visitor be not so good a friend of ours or probably one of the relative that you dont like so much...
our service or interaction will definitely decide how we are referred to in the next conversation of the visitor.. and to be loved and cared for is such a wonderful feeling.. so lets not deny it for a few hours of our time which might make a world of a difference to the people that walk into our life...

thought 2..

2008-06-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

you are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true (richard bach) ...

and so wish for that wonderful restaurant which is the talk of the town... wish for that wonderful family which is the envy of the neighbourhood..wish for a sound sleep.. wish for good health.. wish for everything...

the second part of the quote is 'obviously we have to work for it'..

that we all agree.. we have to work to achieve something.. but how much work is work depends on our determination. i know this person.. for him, he started life with a very little capital.. but then he was a shrewd business man, he made the best of the capital and floated a company. It didnt quite go the way he wanted it to go as it had partners and obviously so many opinions as the number of partners. then he managed to sell his share and invest in some land and also in a new company..this time he was sure to have no partners.. the land deal was a buyer's deal and he did make a lot of money in it.. he then pumped in the money to his company and formed a company 4 times the size of the older company - that's the intoduction

how much work is work can be explained better if you spend a day with this person. the first thing that runs in his mind in the morning is neither the coffee nor the newspaper.. it's his business. from the time after his breakfast till late in the noon he is nothing but a machine.. then after a short lunch he is back in office and there he goes stronger than morning.. till the time to dinner it's work and nothing else... this is determination Superlative...

this kind of a functioning is detrimental to one side of the brain that controls emotions... the person forgets that the aim of business is to have a peacefull life and not 'aim of life is to have a stupendous business'

determination and wishing is but a necessity till the point of achievement.. and what we decide as a pointer should be persuaded and achieved with determination. once that is done, i guess you need to satisfy your emotional side.. if not it is just a waste of time.. and will be mere work and nothing else.. a work without reward is nothing but slavery...

coming back to the most important thing,,, wishing.. i dont live my life without wishes.. infact i have a lot of them.. the recent one is of starting a restaurant on my own... i do enjoy cooking and i do enjoy serving and seeing others enjoying the food..and drinks,, i enjoy smiling faces,, and happy faces.. infact this wish of mine is really taking over my life... i just hope that i have also been given the power to see this come true.. and i am definitely determined this time... to have this right!!

the more i want to get something done, the less i call it work (richard bach)

2008-06-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

it has always been like that.. a math homework is a work but a project on, maybe the different types of leaves in a forest will never appear to be work.. similarly a mundane sales job in Easily Predictable Inc. is always a work .. but your corner store selling nick-nacks will never be work...

finding joy in work has been one major pain for me atleast.. the novelty of the job, the company, the people dies off in three years at the most. then i doubt whether the watch is behaving funny... is the days longer than nights? that takes me here .. where i decide that hereon what i do will be what i enjoy doing most.. the basics of a job is being corrected (hopefully)..

pessimism can also be a reason to this.. an optimistic person will have more energy as compared to a pessimistic in an identical work situation. so let me tell myself that the world is a vast place and opportunities are not limited to what you have already known or set your eyes upon..there is still a way to work - enjoy & earn at the same time..

after all 'the more i want to get something done, the less i call it work'

no title

2008-06-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

thinking of title is indeed a pain.. and it also has this character to limit us to it.. breaking free is not always good either.. coz at times we would like to limit our thoughts to a certain event that has touched us, hurt us, made us laugh or even made us cry.
life indeed is the best teacher than any B-School, science school or behavioural school, things that were learned with detest are often understood with better clarity in life..
Look at this class room example where i had to mug up the accounting principles and definition of working capital requirement - i sure do understand now and am certain i can explain better to the most ignorant of students and make him write a thesis on this!!
such is the power of the experience that life gives us..
i keep thinking whether i chose the subjects that i learnt or whether it was robotic or mimicking the peers. I still dont understand why i learnt maths when i would have definitely liked to do some cooking class...
life is also a healer and probably one of the best consoler.. it makes an honest attempt to let us think that whatever we chose were the best.. even if we could have done a better chosing exercise...
i actually tell myself that i could count and add better because of the math that i did for 11th and 12th.. whereas i hav never used that calculus in my life after that class... atleast not for a rational purpose..
it makes me think that the commerce i learnt is the only reason why i understand business better than a person who has not done commerce.. i fail to think of the ambani or the likes.. who never had a commerce...

What we normally end up doing in our life is not what we learnt or were asked to learn.. it is the thing that you enjoyed doing during your early school days.. if you were repairing or breaking your cycle or toys... you would have probably been better off doing that engineering instead of the MBBS... if you liked to look after the sick family member or playing with that steth.. you would have probably been better off treating patients than in front of the computer thinking in algorithms...

but finding a passion in the present is also taught by life ... and it sure is the only way out of this mismatch of a life...